


Blowback

by Knyght



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, I won't spoil it - Freeform, I'll tag more before each chapter, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Spies & Secret Agents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 14:37:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5420846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knyght/pseuds/Knyght
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <strong>Blowback:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>an unforseen and unwanted effect, result, or set of repercussions.</em>
</p>
<p>Nagisa works for the government, but his job has its consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blowback

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first fic I've written and the first fic I'm actually aiming to finish!  
> It's dark in places, occasionally angsty in others and sometimes dotted with fluff.  
> Please tell me if you think any chapters should be given warnings.  
> Feedback is appreciated greatly!  
> Enjoy!

Nagisa grasps Rei’s hand tightly, tighter than he ever has before. He isn’t sure if Rei can tell a difference from his usual laid-back, bubbly personality since he’s talking his mouth off about the shape and the colours of the flowers beside them, but it doesn’t really matter. The more time he spends admiring the flowers, the less time he spends noticing Nagisa’s detached expression.

To distract himself, he looks out across the park at the different families and couples spending their warm summer holidays trailing across the luscious green grass. To anyone else, the sight would be relaxing, but to Nagisa it brings unease.

“I was thinking about getting sunflowers for our apartment. I think they would look quite beautiful next to the front door, don’t you?” A soft hum from Nagisa persuades Rei to continue, “We just have to worry about Sakura, really. If she pushes over the vase then that’s a lot of clearing up to do, not to mention a possibly injured kitten.”

Nagisa listens to Rei’s gentle chuckle, his mind spinning to think of a way out of the decision that he’s already made.

“She’s a clever cat, I’m sure she’ll learn one day that vases aren’t her playthings.” The only response that Rei receives is a short, weak laugh. With a sigh, he turns to frown at him, “Are you okay, Nagisa? You seem quite quiet today. You aren’t ill are you? I could always make you soup when we get-”

“Soup would be nice. Thank you.” Nagisa cuts him off quickly, turning his head so he doesn’t have to see Rei’s concerned expression.

“I’ll go out and buy some when we get back. You can lie on the sofa with your blankets and watch a movie. How does that sound?”

It sounds wonderful. Shame it won’t happen.

“Sounds like a plan!” Nagisa smiles at him warmly as he leans up to press a gentle kiss against Rei’s cheekbone.

“C-careful now, you’ll get me ill too…” He pushes up his glasses in the adorably dorky way Nagisa’s always found so sweet in order to cover his pink dusted cheeks. They’ve been together for three years yet it seems that Rei can’t stop himself from growing flustered.

“Well then, you can snuggle with me on the sofa, can’t you?” Nagisa watches with a weak grin as Rei rises, holding his hand out to him.

“I suppose that is correct. Shall we leave?”

Nagisa locks their hands together as he gets up too. His thoughts are tangled and his emotions are driving him insane, but he needs to keep going.

 

* * *

 

 

Their apartment isn’t too far from the park, meaning that Nagisa barely has time to think about his remaining time with his Rei. It isn’t long before he’s curled up on the sofa, Sakura in his arms and Rei tucking the blanket under him sweetly.

“I won’t be gone long, okay? Call me if you need anything and I’ll be home before you know it.”

Nagisa can only nod in reply, relishing the feeling of Rei’s comforting fingers running through his hair and his soft, cherry-flavoured lips pressing against his temple.

Then the feeling is gone.

Along with Rei and along with his bright future he wanted to have with him.

“Alright kitty, I need to get up now.” Nagisa tries to keep the tears out of his eyes and the edge out of his voice.

_This will be the hardest part,_ he tells himself, _but I have to do this._

Sakura mews pathetically as she is placed in a cocoon of blankets, too sleepy to cling onto him.

A part of Nagisa wishes that she put up a fight. Her willingness to let him go so easily makes him angry in some stupid ridiculous way that he can’t explain. He shakes off the thought quickly and opens the door to Rei’s study.

_Does the man not know how to make a mess?_ The corners of Nagisa’s lips twitch up into a weak smile as he traces his fingertips over the dusty spines of his research tomes. Everything is exactly the same as he last saw it, exactly the way Rei wants to keep it. He loves this room.

Keeping himself on target, he strides over to Rei’s desk with a lot more dedication than he feels. On it rests a small notepad, filled with Rei’s thoughts and theories. There would be many a night where Nagisa would sit curled in Rei’s lap as he explains all his whimsical ideas about the universe – all of them as logical as he could make them of course, this is _Rei_ he’s thinking about. Nagisa would help lift his theories off the floor, throwing crazy ideas at him until he sighed in acceptance and based his thoughts around Nagisa’s own.

The two are… _were_ a team. A good one at that.

Nagisa steels himself for what he’s about to do, picking up Rei’s favourite pen – which, unsurprisingly, was a gift from Nagisa – and scribbles his note down on a spare page.

_Rei,_

_We’ve been together for three years. Three whole years I’ve dedicated my life to you. For three years I’ve lived a lie. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t love you. That doesn’t mean to say I didn’t enjoy being around you. I enjoyed the moments we shared and I enjoyed the memories we made but I just didn’t_ love _them. I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me, but I have to leave. I have to find where my life should be, it just isn’t here._

_Nagisa_

 

He allows himself to cry for a minute or two. Huge heaving sobs that leave stains on the wooden desk. If only he could tear up the page and throw it away, pretend that he doesn’t have to leave Rei behind and change both their lives.

Eventually, he lifts his head from the table and rubs his swollen eyes. Rei’ll be home soon.

Rei’s home, not Nagisa’s. Not anymore.

His phone buzzes and he knows it’s time to leave. They’ll be waiting for him on the other side of town in their vans with the blacked out windows. Nagisa will get into one and he’ll never seen Rei again.

What a painful thought.

Nagisa tears around the apartment at breakneck speed, trying to keep his mind off the spiralling thoughts he’s experiencing.

Rei’s distraught expression when he reads the letter.

Rei’s secreted breakdowns that continue persistently over following weeks.

Rei finally and excruciatingly moving on.

With a dull finality, Nagisa pulls the door shut behind him. Carrying only his backpack and the clothes that he’s wearing, he leaves the one person he swears he couldn’t possibly love more.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I have no idea when the next chapter will be up, but I aim to upload each week. Sorry if I don't reach my deadline each time!  
> As I said before, feedback is greatly appreciated!  
> Thanks!


End file.
